I'm Awake But My Dream Keeps Dreaming You
by mrs. huntzberger
Summary: When Lincoln is shot during the escape, Michael's first instinct is to turn to Sara for help. While Lincoln recovers, Michael and Sara grow closer.
1. My Life Fell Through a Hole in My Pocket

_Sara looks around her. She is walking along the river, the sun warming her bare shoulders. When she reaches the spot where she had made up her mind so long ago, she stops. Her eyes close as a gentle breeze tickles her neck._

Suddenly, she is back in the dark, breathing heavily as he trails a line of soft, airy kisses across her throat. His hand skims over the smooth skin of her inner thigh, leaving goose bumps in its wake. She arches her back, pressing her bare chest to his, and her name tumbles from his lips.

_Beside the water, Sara smiles. Even in her memory, his voice makes her melt._

He hovers over her, perfectly still except for his eyes, which are searching hers. She smiles up at him and traces his eyebrow with the tip of her finger. As he slides into her, his name escapes her lips in a reverent whisper, "Michael."

_The memory of their night together is as fresh in her mind as if it had happened yesterday. As she looks out over the water, she finds herself wondering - as she often does - what would have happened if he hadn't shown up at her door that night._

"Oh my god."

"Sara-"

"You can't be here, Michael. They're looking for you. Why aren't you halfway to Mexico?"

"Lincoln. He's been shot."

"What? How?"

"When we…and then…it doesn't matter! What matters is that he is shot. Please. You have to help him."

Sara hesitates for a second before asking, "Where is he?"

Michael disappears around the side of her house without a word. A few seconds later, he reappears again, this time supporting Lincoln, who's limping and bleeding pretty badly. Sara opens the door wider, and ushers them inside.

"Where…?" Michael looks at her and the desperation that she sees in his eyes scares her.

"The kitchen. Right over there."

Michael drags Lincoln into the kitchen and sits him down on one of the chairs. Lincoln's pale and trembling.

Sara closes her bedroom door as quietly as possible and makes her way to the kitchen. Lincoln is asleep in her bed. The bullet went all the way through his thigh, but it didn't cause too much damage so she was able to patch him up fairly well. He really should go to the hospital to get it checked out properly, but she knows that's impossible.

Michael has already cleaned the kitchen - it looks exactly the way it did before they showed up. She finds him in the living room, peeking through the curtains.

"He's asleep. He should rest for awhile before trying to travel with that leg."

Michael turns towards her, away from the window. He looks nervous. "I know, but we really should get…I saw a motel a few blocks away."

"I'm sure you did, but you're not going anywhere. You're staying here, at least for tonight."

"We can't, Sara, you're already way too involved."

"And whose fault is that?"

"Sara, I-"

"No, Michael. You're not going to shut me out this time. Why did you come here?"

Michael hesitates. He looks around the room, then jams his hands in his pockets, and looks her straight in the eye.

"Because I trust you."

Sara looks surprised.

"You left the door unlocked. You let us in tonight. You've saved Lincoln's life twice, Sara. I'm incredibly grateful for that."

"I…I still don't know why I did it. Left the door unlocked, I mean."

"You did it because you're a good person. Lincoln's innocent. It was the right thing to do."

"Actually, Michael, it was the illegal thing to do. I committed a crime. If anyone finds out I'll be a lot more than fired."

Sara begins pacing angrily.

"I know. I wish there had been another way."

"Arg! You are so selfish Michael!_ And_ completely selfless. How do you do that?"

"I…don't know?"

"I mean, you're very smart so you obviously knew the repercussions that I'd have to face. But you asked me to leave the door unlocked anyway. You weighed the consequences and decided that they didn't matter. And the thing that makes me angriest is that you did it to save your brother's life. You did an incredibly stupid, noble thing. Which is why I can't hate you for it. I want to. But I can't."

"Sara," Michael says, but then pauses. "I wish I was as noble as you think I am. The truth is I'm not. Yes, Lincoln is innocent. And yes, I couldn't let him die knowing that. But I did what I did partially out of guilt."

"Guilt?"

Michael nods. "The night that Linc supposedly killed Terrence Steadman he called me. But I didn't feel like dealing with him, so I didn't answer. He was there for me so many times when I was a kid and I wasn't there for him the one time he needed me most. I didn't help him that night, but I found a way to help him before it was too late."

Sara looks confused for a second, but then she suddenly realizes what he is implying. "You got arrested on purpose."

Michael nods again.

"That's insane!"

"Maybe a little. But it worked."

Sara can't believe what she's hearing. "_Maybe a little_," she says, imitating his voice._ "_Most people would have hired the best, most expensive lawyers to relieve their guilt, Michael, they wouldn't have gotten themselves locked up!"

"Lawyers couldn't save him. I could."

"But now you're on the run Michael. You both are. You've ruined your life."

"But I've saved his. That's all that matters."

Sara just shakes her head, and goes to check on Lincoln. She needs a few seconds to calm herself down so that she doesn't start screaming at Michael. She thinks that staying calm will probably produce better results.

Lincoln's still sleeping. Quietly, she checks his pulse and feels his forehead. He seems okay, so she leaves him and goes back to the living room. Michael doesn't appear to have moved an inch, except that he's looking down - he seems to suddenly find his shoes very interesting.

"Is he alright?"

"He seems to be."

Michael nods. A few seconds go by before he finally looks up at her. "So. Do you hate me now?"

"No. And that pisses me off."

Michael gives her a small smile. She almost smiles back, but stops herself.

"You used me Michael. You lied to me."

"Yes. But Sara, you have to understand, I went into Fox River with a goal. And I wasn't going to let anything stop me from achieving it. Then I met you. I knew all about you before it got there, but I didn't know_ you_. As I spent more time with you, it became harder and harder to lie. I wanted to be honest with you about everything but I had to make a decision. It was either save Lincoln or be honest with you. It couldn't be both. So I sacrificed your feelings for my brother's life. And I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry that I hurt you, and that I did anything to lose your trust. I care about you Sara, but your life wasn't in danger."


	2. I've Been Lying All My Life with Silence

Chapter 2: I've Been Lying All My Life with Silence

Sara looks up suddenly. "It was once. And you saved me."

"Yes."

"Was that part of some plan?"

"How could that have possibly been planned?"

"I don't know. You're the one with all the answers."

Michael sighs loudly. "No. Saving you wasn't part of the plan. The riot was-"

At this Sara looks shocked.

"-but I never thought it would get so out of hand. I came to find you because I couldn't bear the thought of you being hurt. Helping you could have been very bad for the plan, actually, but when I saw you on the security camera you looked so scared and I…"

Michael stops. Sara looks angry again but she's waiting for him to continue.

"And I was never in the vents because of PI. But you knew that already."

"Yes, I did," Sara says stonily.

"I always wondered why you never brought it up again."

Sara looks at him. His head is cocked slightly to one side, and he's watching her. "I guess because I was grateful. And because I didn't know if I really wanted to know the truth because then I'd have to tell someone." Sara stops, realizing what she's just said. "Oh."

"Yeah. That's why I had to lie to you, Sara. I didn't want to, but I had to. I didn't want to put either of us in a position where you would have been compelled to turn me in."

"Maybe I wouldn't have-"

"Prison policy, Sara. You live by the rules. And you know what's right and what's wrong. That's a good thing. But it could have made everything even more dangerous and complicated than it already was."

Sara remains silent for a few moments. She's unsure of what to say. She had begun to question everything she thought she knew about Michael as soon as he'd asked her to leave the door unlocked. But now she was beginning to question every word that had every come out of his mouth. She had to know the truth, no matter how painful it might be.

"What else was a lie Michael?"

"I…," he trails off and looks back at his shoes.

"Come on. I know quite a bit already. Who can it hurt?"

Michael wants to say,_ You. It could hurt you._ But he realizes that she isn't going to accept that. She wants to know the truth, and this might be his only chance to tell it to her.

"Okay. I'll tell you. But can we maybe sit?"

"Fine."

Michaels walks over to the couch and sits down. He looks at his hands, which are rested on his knees, fingers splayed. Sara watches him for a second and then walks over to the couch and sits down beside him. Michael takes a deep breath, as though he's bracing himself.

"I'm not a diabetic. I was taking Pugnac so that I could get regular access to the infirmary."

Sara gasps. "Michael! That could have been really dangerous. It could have caused permanent damage. Serious damage."

"I know."

Sara sighs and looks toward the window. Michael watches her, wishing he could reach over and touch her, then looks away quickly when she turns to face him again.

He clears his throat softly. "One of Abruzzi's men cut off my toes. It wasn't an 'accident'."

"Why?"

"Because I knew where someone he wanted to find was hiding. And I made sure he knew it. But I told him I wouldn't tell him where the guy was until_ after_ we had broken out."

"You broke Abruzzi out too?"

"I needed there to be a plane waiting when Lincoln and I got out. Unfortunately, I think we missed our flight."

"You really had this whole thing planned out, didn't you?"

"Yes."

Sara stands up and turns on a lamp. It's late and the only light in the room is coming from the kitchen. She suddenly needs it to be bright so that she can be sure that this isn't all some crazy dream. When she turns around, Michael is still sitting on the couch. This isn't a dream.

As she sits back down, she says, "Okay. Go on."

Michael seems to think for a second and then says, "My tattoo."

"What about it?"

"It's actually a map. Of Fox River."

Sara looks surprised again, but doesn't say anything, so Michael continues. "It's how I knew how to get to you during the riot. It's how I knew how to get from the back of my cell to the infirmary. I unhinged the toilet and used the pipe system."

"You could get out of your cell without anyone knowing." It's more of a statement than a question, but Michael answers her anyway.

"Yes. And I did it several times while working on the plan. There were certain things I could only figure out after I was inside Fox River."

"That makes sense." Sara pauses. Her head is spinning. Then she realizes that there is someone who would have known what Michael was doing. "Did you break Sucre out too?"

"Yeah. He was my cell mate. I couldn't do much without him knowing, and I often needed his help. But he's a good guy, Sara."

"Not like Abruzzi?"

Michael doesn't say anything. Sara sighs again.

After a moment Michael continues.

"Do you remember that night that Lincoln went to the infirmary because he was sick?"

"Yes."

"That was when we tried to break out the first time. We were going to climb up through the drain. But the pipe that I had corroded had been replaced. That's why I had to ask you to leave the door unlocked, Sara. It wasn't originally part of the plan. I didn't want to get you involved, but I was desperate."

Sara looks at him but doesn't say anything. She wants to believe that he is finally telling her the truth, but she isn't going to let her guard down again. Not yet, anyway.

"Anyway, we couldn't break the pipe, and there wasn't time to corrode it again, so I had to come up with a new way to get into the infirmary. The night I got burned, I was working on finding a new route. I was wearing a guard's uniform-"

Sara's head snaps up. She is shocked, angry, and relieved all at the same time.

"-so that I could go through the whack shack without the guards there figuring out who I was. On my way back to my cell I was almost caught by a CO. He was in the pipes, having a night cap, and I had to back right up against a hot water pipe to avoid him finding me."

He pauses and looks at Sara. She seems overwhelmed. "I don't know what to say. This is way more than I expected…"

"I'm actually not done yet," Michael says gently.

"Okay."

Michael hesitates for a few seconds. He _really_ doesn't want to tell her the next part.

"A few days after I got to Fox River, Sucre transferred out of my cell and I got Haywire as my new cell mate. He was fascinated by my tattoos. He thought he could see a map in them."

Here, Sara makes a noise that sounds a little like a snort. _Leave it to a "crazy" person…_

"The burn on my shoulder destroyed a really important part of the map. I tried and tried to remember what it had looked like, but I couldn't. When I was in Ad Seg I realized that there might be a way to get what I needed."

Sara gasps. "You…you're breakdown. It was an act?"

Michael nods. "I was going a little crazy trying to remember, because escaping would have been impossible without the map, but I…I needed to get into the psych ward so that I could find Haywire and get him to remember."

Sara feels used. She doesn't know what to say, and even if she did, she wouldn't be able to get it out. Anger and hurt are choking her. She really doesn't want to cry in front of him, but she can feel the tears forming.

"I'm so sorry Sara. You were so kind to me and I…"

"Don't. Just…is there more?"

"Um, there's a hole under the guard's break room. And I had to lock Pope in a closet after forcing him to have Lincoln transferred to the infirmary."

"You threatened the warden?" Sara asks, incredulously.

"I had to. I didn't want to, because he was so good to me, but I had to."

"Right. I forgot. No one else matters."

"Sara…"

"No. It's fine. Anything else?"

"Just the keys."

"And the kiss, right? You're quite the actor Michael. Really."

"No, Sara. It's not like that."

"Don't lie to me Michael. Not again."

"Listen to me. I needed those keys. I went to my appointment telling myself that I'd do whatever it took to get them. So I kissed you. To distract you. It would have been so easy to take the keys right then. But I couldn't do it. Which is why I asked Nika to get them."

"Why Michael? Why didn't you just steal them yourself? You only lost time this way."

"I couldn't. Because that kiss was real, Sara, even if you can't believe it. What I...asked you to do for me…that was real too. When I kissed you, I realized just how far I was willing to go. And that scared me. I knew I was hurting you and that's why I couldn't bring myself to take the keys. That kiss wasn't a lie, Sara. I really do care for you."

"How can I possibly believe that? You've lied so many times to get what you want, how do I know you're not just doing it again?"

"Everything I told you tonight is the truth. But I know I've lost your trust so I don't expect you to believe that either."

"Then why did you tell me all of it?"

"I guess to thank you. There were so many times when I wanted to tell you the truth. You'd ask me questions and I'd either have to lie or flat out refuse to answer you. I know that was hard on you, but even so, you continued to care about me. You tried to help me and I couldn't let you. But that doesn't mean that I didn't appreciate it. I did, Sara. So I wanted you to know what really happened. I don't care what anyone else thinks about what I've done. But you deserved the truth and I needed you to know it."

"What does it matter what I think, Michael?"

"It shouldn't. I shouldn't let it matter. But it does. That look you gave me when Katie found your keys? You looked so hurt and angry. That was the only moment when I ever regretted anything I did in Fox River."

Sara sits there, looking at the man in front of her. She cares about him, even after everything that has happened. When he had asked her to wait for him, she had wanted to agree. But things are different now. He had lied to her, used her. She believes that tonight he's told her the truth. Why would he lie now? But she doesn't know if she'll be able to trust him again.

"You should get some rest Michael."

"Oh. Right. Good idea."

"I'll get you some blankets."

Sara gets up and walks over to the hall closet. She removes a stack blankets that's almost half her height and carries it back to the living room. When Michael sees her, he can't help but smile. She hands him the entire pile.

"Here you go."

"Where are you going to sleep?"

"What?"

"Lincoln's in your bed, isn't he?"

Sara nods. "Yes, he is."

"You take the couch. I'll sleep on the floor."

"You need the rest more Michael. You've got a lot ahead of you."

What is she saying? He is an escaped convict on the run from the authorities. And she is helping him. Again. Damn him!

Michael smiles again at the confused expression on her face. He throws a couple of blankets on the floor and puts the rest of them on the coffee table. Then he plunks down on the floor and looks up at her.

"Floor's fine. But thanks."

"You're…welcome?"

Sara takes one of the blankets and wraps it around her shoulders. She shuts the light and then lays down on the couch. A minute later, she is still staring at the ceiling. For some reason she can't make her eyes close.

"Goodnight Sara."

"Goodnight."


	3. Sleepless Questions

Chapter 3: Sleepless Questions and Some Sly Suggestions

"That kiss wasn't a lie, Sara. I really do care for you."

He is standing only a few inches away from her. All she can see are his eyes, and they were looking into hers with an intensity that it is making her dizzy. He shifts slightly and suddenly her senses are overwhelmed by the scent of him. He smells so good that she has the sudden urge to step forward and press her body into his. Instead, she takes a step back.

"How can I believe you Michael?"

He just smiles at her.

-

The next instant she is standing in the middle of a field. It is so dark that she can barely see two feet in front of her. She can hear dogs barking in the distance.

"Sara!" Michael is yelling her name. She swings around trying to find him. Then she hears a gun shot.

Sara wakes with a start. She's sweaty and disoriented. Why is she on the couch? A movement on the floor beside her catches her eye. She looks down. Michael. He's alright.

As she watches his face in the moonlight, she feels her heart clench. He is so beautiful. For some reason, that makes her angry again, so she decides to go check on Lincoln. She rises from the couch and steps over Michael, careful to avoid the creak in the floorboard near his feet. She makes her way down the hall to her room and manages to check Lincoln's vitals and his wound without waking him. Then she creeps back out of the room. In the hallway, she stands still, and contemplates what to do next. It is only 2am and she knows that she should go back to bed, but she's reluctant to go back into the living room. It's too weird. And painful. Laying next to Michael in the dark makes her ache. Suddenly, all of the fantasies that she's been harboring about Michael since that first day in the infirmary - the ones she's been trying to keep at bay all night - come flooding into her mind before she can stop them. Her body aches for him, while her mind tells her she's crazy, and her heart warns caution. She yawns. Suddenly, she's exhausted. It's time to go back to bed, whether she likes it or not.

As she steps back into the living room, her foot lands on the creaky floorboard. Michael shoots up and starts looking around. He looks so sleepy and confused that Sara wants to giggle.

"Michael. It's okay. It's just me. Go back to sleep."

"How's Lincoln?"

"He's fine."

"What time is it?"

"A bit after two."

Michael nods, as though that is exactly what he suspected, and then lays back down. Sara steps over him and curls back up on the couch. At least ten minutes pass in almost complete silence. Sara figures Michael must have fallen back asleep until she hears him whisper, "Sara?"

She turns her head towards him. "Yes?"

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For asking so much of you."

Sara doesn't say anything.

"I shouldn't have come here tonight."

"Lincoln needed help. And you couldn't go to the hospital. I understand. It's okay."

"No it's not. You could get into a lot of trouble for helping me."

"I know."

A minute or two later, Michael breaks the silence again. "I'm sorry I lied to you Sara."

"I know you are Michael. And, if it helps any, I believe what you told me tonight."

"You do?"

"Yes."

"There was another reason I came here tonight. I wanted to say goodbye."

A wave of panic washes over Sara. "I'm never going to see you again, am I?"

"I hope that's not the case, but I honestly don't know."

Even after everything that has happened, the thought of never seeing Michael again scares her. Somehow, in the short time she's known him, Sara has started to need him. She isn't sure what that means, but she knows that he has changed her somehow. If this is the last time she's ever going to see him, she wants to make it count.

When Sara sits up, Michael raises himself up on his elbows. "What is it?"

She doesn't answer. Instead, she pulls off the blanket and gets up from the couch. She steps over Michael, so that she has one leg on either side of him, and then lowers herself until she's straddling his hips. He looks at her questioningly but she only smiles back at him. He sits up and runs his hands up the outside of her thighs, letting them come to rest on her hips.

"What-"

Sara puts a finger to his lips and shakes her head. She runs her hand over his jaw, like she had when he kissed her in the infirmary.

"Make love to me Michael."

"Sara, I…"

"Don't tell me you haven't thought about it."

"Of course I've thought about it. Many times. But I don't want to hurt you more than I already have. Won't this just make things harder?"

"Maybe."

"Okay, so we should just-"

"You said before that the kiss wasn't a lie."

"It wasn't."

"You also said that what you asked me to do for you wasn't a lie."

"It wasn't. I meant it. Every since I met you I've been wishing that we could have met under different circumstances. So that we could have had a real chance to be together."

Sara leans forward. "This _is_ our chance Michael."

They look at each other for a long moment. Sara tries to will Michael into giving in but he doesn't move. Finally, she leans forward and kisses him softy. After a second, she pulls back and whispers, "Please, Michael. I want to feel you inside me."

Michael remains silent. He looks at her for a moment longer and then leans forward and takes her mouth in his. The kiss is deep and hot and full of need. Sara smiles into the kiss, then wraps her arms around his neck and pulls him closer. When she feels his tongue tracing her bottom lip, she opens her mouth and touches her tongue to his. Michael's hand wanders up the back of her shirt. He follows the line of her spine with his fingers until he reaches the clasp of her bra.

Sara breaks the kiss and leans back so that she can see all of Michael's face. They're both breathing heavily and, even in the dim light, Sara can see that Michael's eyes are several shades darker than normal. She smiles again and pushes Michael's shoulders gently until he's lying back on the blankets. She pulls her T-shirt over her head and then leans forward to kiss him again.

Michael rolls them over so that he's on top. His weight pushing down on her makes Sara's head spin. She wraps her arms around his neck again, kissing him hard on the mouth. She pours everything she's feeling into him – desperation, fear, sadness, joy, sympathy, lust, love. Her mind is finally shutting up and she lets her body and her heart take over.

Her hands roam up the front of Michael's shirt. Her fingers skim over his abs and his ribs, and her hand comes to rest right over his heart. She can feel it beating against her palm and it makes her inexplicably calm.

When she starts to push the hem of his shirt upwards, he pulls back from her slightly so that there is room to pull it over his head. She leans forward on her elbow and looks at his tattoos. She traces one of the horns on his chest with her finger and looks up into his face.

"A map, huh?"

"Yup."

She looks back at his tattoo. "I never really looked at them before. They're beautiful," she says, and then kisses his chest.

"Thank you."

She starts to ask him where the infirmary is but he cuts her off by bringing his mouth to hers again. He doesn't want to think about Fox River, or his tattoo, or anything else that isn't Sara.

They spend the next couple of hours exploring each others bodies, kissing and making love. When Michael is inside her, Sara feels more alive than she ever has.

Around 4, Michael falls asleep. Sara's wrapped up in his arms, her head on his chest. She feels safe with him and that's when she realizes that leaving the door unlocked had been the right thing to do.

_Sara doesn't know how long she has been standing there, next to the water, but she guesses that it's been at least 45 minutes. It had been a long walk down memory lane. She takes a deep breath and tries to make herself focus on the present. After another minute or so, she turns around and starts walking back the way she came._

_Then she hears something that makes her stop in her tracks. It is a voice that she hasn't heard in nearly three years – not since that morning when they had said goodbye. And it is calling her name. She turns around slowly, and there he is, standing where she had been only seconds earlier, grinning at her._

"_Michael."_


End file.
